Building with the Truth
HAPPY MARRIAGE MEMOS
by John Kpikpi
Kofi and Paul, friends since their school days, are chatting. Paul has just celebrated his twentieth wedding anniversary.
Kofi: I’ve not been lucky in marriage at all. This is my third attempt so far and I’m not sure how long it’s going to last. What’s your secret?
Paul: But I’ve told you Kofi, time and time again, marriage is not a game of chance which some win and others lose purely because of luck. On the contrary, there are some very clear guidelines a married couple should follow and any couple who follow these will succeed.
Kofi: Yes, I’ve heard you say this before, but what makes you think one method will work for everyone? There are countless theories and strategies out there. So many people are saying so many different things.
Paul: Well, Kofi, I believe that the One who created us has also given us very clear ways of organising the whole of our lives – including marriage. You have been wavering a lot, trying first one approach and then another. It’s about time you took one of the ways very seriously and tried it out. I am recommending my way because I have tried and tested it and found it to work – and so have many others. In fact, I am confident that it will work every time because it is based on the truth.
I’ll take up the conversation from here! Over the next few weeks we shall be looking at the truths which inform the methods which have been proven, again and again, to work well and deliver happy and secure marriages.
Marriage is a gift from God. Consider the hundreds, if not thousands or millions, of things that our Maker has had to build into us to make this exciting aspect of our lives possible. Consider the physical and anatomical features of men and women He has put in place – both the similarities (brains, eyes, mouths, faces, skin texture, height range and so on) and also the differences (such as body shape and sex organs). Then of course the complex hormonal systems and emotional endowments He has ‘pre-loaded’ us with which make us desire each other’s love and company, the consciousness and awareness to ‘pursue’ each other and ‘find’ each other and move steadily through all the different stages of the growing relationship until we ‘seal the deal’ at the wedding ceremony. Then He has given us the capacity to keep relationships going long term! All these are things that He placed in us to prepare us to be able to marry. So if you think you just ‘got clever’ and got up and got married, think again! You could only have the desire in the first place because God had already equipped you to be able to have that desire. A four-speed vehicle cannot suddenly decide to become a six-speed vehicle. It can only achieve as much as has been put into it. So it is with us. Our God built in to us all that we would need to visualise and actualise marriage before He released us onto the earth! He is the only wise God.
Let’s say thank you. A proper response to the myriad provisions from our Father God is to say thank you to Him. It’s a good job we all teach our children to say thank you for little things and big things. A big step forward for all of us adults, especially married couples, will be to acknowledge the generosity of our Maker, who gave us all the amazing features which make up our bodies and souls and then learn to say thank you to Him. Here’s something to do together: Sit down with your husband or wife and think about all that God has put in you both, that you did not create, that makes it possible for you to enjoy your marriage. Say thank you to God together and say thank you to God for each other. This little activity will change the mood of your home!
For you created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Psalm 139:13-14)